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It all has to Start Somewhere

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Sharing truths to help others, why, because for the first time in a long I felt like I finally get it. Life is hard!

We all have had our life lessons whether big or small that change us. They make us rethink things and do things differently the next time.

I’ve been in my share of “bad” relationships with little communication and lots of control and many old beliefs that I was following unknowingly. I eventually felt like I no longer knew who I was.

It’s said that people stay in bad relationships because they know what to expect, and anything outside of that unknown is terrifying.

I get it, and I’m thankful I’ve had healthy relationships since. But that doesn’t mean that they were perfect or lasted.

One of the hardest, most humbling things I’ve ever done was to end my first marriage after 8.5 years together. When I left that relationship I also lost a (step)son. I felt like I had lost myself. I was an over glorified house keeper/cook and errand and laundry maid. I felt overwhelmed, frustrated and under appreciated.

When I left, I shutdown. I felt like a quitter and it totally sucked. I didn’t believe in divorce, but I couldn’t see a way to unhear and undo all the things that tore the relationship apart.

Several months later, life was quieter. I spent lots of time with a dear friend who had cancer, I got a rescue pup and I started to live life again.

My whole belief of having to have everything together all the time and put on a brave face was over. I could be human and okay. I felt broken, with all my cracks showing to everyone, it was terrifying and freeing.

Why do I share this? Because I know there is someone out there that is experiencing something similar, they have been made to believe that they are small and powerless and they have had enough, but there is fear about what is next.

Surround yourself with a community of kind, loving people that see you for who you are. Set up boundaries for yourself to keep yourself from going back and repeating same mistakes and learn to love yourself first

When the Caregiver Becomes the Compass

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Finding the Shore Through the Fog of Alzheimer’s


Standing at the water’s edge, I knew the lake was there.


I couldn’t see it. The fog had wrapped itself around the shoreline, blurring every familiar landmark. If someone had arrived for the first time that morning, they might have wondered if there was even a lake beyond the mist.


But I knew better.


I had seen it on clear days. I knew where the shoreline curved, where the water met the rocks, and how the sunlight danced across its surface. The fog had changed my view, but it hadn’t changed the truth.


That’s what caregiving for someone living with Alzheimer’s or dementia feels like.


The disease is the fog.


It rolls in quietly, hiding memories, routines, names, and places that once felt as permanent as the shoreline itself. To your loved one, the world can become unfamiliar and uncertain. But as caregivers, we remember what the fog has concealed.


We become their compass.


A compass doesn’t remove the fog. It simply points toward what is true.


When your loved one forgets which room is theres, you gently walk beside them.
When they can’t remember that breakfast comes after getting dressed, you lovingly guide her through the next step.


When yesterday disappears and tomorrow has no meaning, you become the steady voice that says, “We’re okay. This way.”


As a life coach, I’ve learned that so much of life is spent chasing perfect clarity. We tell ourselves we’ll feel confident once the fog lifts.


Caregiving teaches a different lesson.


Sometimes the greatest strength isn’t seeing farther.
It’s knowing enough to take the next faithful step.


This photograph reminds me that even when the lake is invisible, the path is still beneath our feet. The trees continue to grow. The bench waits patiently. Life hasn’t stopped because visibility has changed.


The same is true in caregiving.


Love becomes less about restoring what was and more about faithfully guiding what remains.


You become the keeper of routines. The holder of stories. The gentle reminder of home. The compass that points toward safety when someone else’s internal map no longer can.


One day, the fog will lift for all of us.


Until then, may we have the courage to walk slowly, speak gently, and trust that what love has built cannot be erased by what memory has lost.


Reflection


If you’re caring for someone with dementia today, remember this: You don’t have to clear the fog. You only have to keep pointing toward love. That’s what a compass does. It doesn’t change the weather. It simply helps someone find their way home. ❤️

Enjoy the Moments

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Daily writing prompt
What’s the best advice you’d give to someone younger than you?
View all responses

Things change over time and you can never go back. Be in the moment, put the phone down, have a conversation, hug a loved one, tell them how you feel about them, be present. We never know what tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year will look like.

When the Petals Fall: Lessons from the Basswood Tree for Caregivers

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This morning, I stood beneath a basswood tree in full bloom. Its large heart-shaped leaves stretched toward the summer sky, while delicate blossoms drifted gently to the ground below.

At first glance, it seemed contradictory.

How could a tree be so full of life and yet be letting pieces of itself go?

Then I realized that caregiving often feels exactly the same.

As caregivers, we spend so much energy trying to hold everything together. We want to remember every appointment, respond with endless patience, make the right decisions, keep the house running, care for our loved one, nurture our relationships, and somehow still care for ourselves.

We carry an invisible expectation that if we are doing it well, nothing should fall.

No tears. No exhaustion. No forgotten details. No frustration. No need for help.

But nature tells a different story.

The basswood tree stands strong and beautiful while its blossoms fall freely around it. It does not cling to every petal. It does not apologize for letting go. It does not measure its worth by what remains attached to its branches.

The falling petals are not a sign of weakness.

They are evidence of a season being lived fully.

Caregiving asks us to release many things along the journey.

We let go of the idea that life will return to what it once was.

We let go of perfection.

We let go of control.

We let go of the expectation that we can do everything on our own.

Sometimes we even let go of pieces of our loved one as illness slowly changes who they are.

These losses can feel heartbreaking. Yet they are also part of the sacred work of caregiving.

The basswood reminds us that letting go is not the opposite of loving.

Often, it is one of love’s deepest expressions.

When we release unrealistic expectations, we make room for grace.

When we stop demanding perfection from ourselves, we create space for compassion.

When we allow the petals of guilt, comparison, and self-judgment to fall away, we discover that our roots are stronger than we imagined.

Perhaps today you feel like a tree in bloom and in loss at the same time.

You are still showing up.

You are still growing.

You are still rooted.

And if a few petals are falling around your feet, that doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It may simply mean you’re in the middle of becoming.

So stand tall, dear caregiver.

Let the petals fall where they may.

Trust the roots.

Trust the season.

And trust that God is nurturing life within you, even when something beautiful is being released.

#Caregiving is not about holding on to everything. It’s about learning what can be lovingly released. 🌿💛

Living One Day at A Time

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Loved one gets a diagnosis of cancer

    Feelings: fear, overwhelm, worry

    Actions: staying positive, praying for guidance on what to do next

Waiting for MD for referrals and future appointments.  Days become weeks

    Feeling:  frustration, impatience, anger

    Actions:  restlessness, praying that we hear from the MD office soon and get dates in near future

Received dates for biopsy and surgery

    Feeling:  elation, gratefull

    Actions:  praise & prayer for quick dates and for slow growth of tumors

Day of Biopsy

    Feelings:  hopeful, worry

    Actions:  prayer

MD after Biopsy – Location & Findings

    Feelings:  positive, blessed, thankful

    Actions:  praise and prayer

Call from MD – High Grade Diagnosis

    Feelings:  let down, frustrated, thankful

    Actions:  prayer

Day Before Surgery

    Feelings:  cautionary, hopeful, grateful

    Actions: time spent with loved one,        capturing every second, praying for God’s will and a healthy outcome.

Day of Surgery

    Feelings: exhaustion, hopeful, love, worry

    Actions:  prayer, asking for prayer for community groups, church, friends.

You Don’t Get a Trophy for “Suffering Through It”

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We’ve romanticized resilience to the point where we confuse endurance with strength. We walk into the storm. We get battered. We can barely stand. And instead of asking “why am I still out here?” — we grip tighter, lean into the wind, and tell ourselves this is what warriors do. But here’s what nobody talks about: sometimes the bravest thing isn’t pushing through. It’s stepping out of the rain entirely.

We do all the things. We journal. We pray. We deep breathe. We therapy our way through it. We white-knuckle the hard seasons and call it growth. And sometimes — yes — that IS the work. But sometimes? We’re just wet, cold, and too proud to come inside.

There’s a difference between a season that’s building you and a situation that’s just draining you. One leaves you stronger. The other just leaves you tired.

So, let me ask you something, and be honest: What are you currently enduring that you actually have the power to walk away from? Not every storm is yours to weather. Not every hard thing is a lesson. Some things are just hard — and you are allowed to put them down. Strength isn’t only found in staying. Sometimes it lives in the decision to stop suffering for suffering’s sake — and choosing yourself instead. You’re allowed to come inside. 🌧️

Life Can Feel Like a Battlefield

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✦ ✦ ✦

Some days feel like a battlefield, the long list of to do’s, the last minute “emergencies” of loved ones, the constant on the go that happens everyday. 

Some days I feel equiped to take it on and do all the things, other days I’d love to stay in bed.  Can you relate?

You wake up and the armor feels heavy.
The fight is real — but your human strength just isn’t there.

So you do the only thing left.
You get on your knees.

Because when you can’t suit up,
you get down on your knees.
And that’s where the real battle is won.

“Put on the full armor of God.” — Ephesians 6:11

The hardships of grief

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What started out as a normal day turned quickly. Our pup Athena was still in bed, when my mom was looking to walk her. She seemed to be a bit slower and  tired. I made an appointment that am at the vet office.  We took 2 cars knowing she would be coming home with Mom, and I would go from there to my office.  After some x-rays we learn that she had two tumors on either side of her heart making it difficult for her to breathe.

She didn’t come home.  My husband met us at the vet office.  We cried, we loved on her as best we could knowing that it was the last time. 

We left her there and went all home to a house that felt so empty.  We shed so many tears and shared memories of all her silliness.  We couldn’t sleep or eat.  Just feeling lost and out of balance.   

Mom was especially lonely during the day when we went to work, no more walking buddy in the morning, no one to talk too when we were at work. 

It’s been just shy of a year, we still shed tears and smile when we see pictures of her.  She will always hold a piece of our heart.

We have made room for a new pup, but her presence is still missed each and every day.  The loss is still felt but our perspective is different we realize how lucky we were to have 14 years with her.  

Grief is a crazy thing, it comes in waves, sometimes  crashing down all around you and other times just gently pulling you in. 

Still scrambling to keep up with the whole “New Year, New You” thing?

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How many blogs, articles, or workshops have you tried that promised you would become the best version of yourself with their easy 5-step program? You probably felt excited and hopeful at first, but then life got in the way. After missing a week or two, you began to doubt yourself and felt deflated, ending up right where you started.

It’s important to know that feeling overwhelmed is normal, and you’re not alone. The people offering these courses often don’t share how many times they failed before succeeding. What you see can make it seem easy, leading you to wonder why you can’t do it too.

As a Health Coach, I help others reach their goals, but I also make mistakes. I know when to take on new challenges and when to stick to my strengths. Missing my own goals helps me relate to others. I prefer to learn from someone who’s been through it and is open about their experiences.

I know that the only way to achieve something different is to change what I’m currently doing. Yes, I understand this isn’t neuroscience, but it is hard. Our brains are wired to make day-to-day routines easy and abbreviated. Doing something different initially takes more time, thought, and grit at times to adhere to it.

The first step is to IDENTIFY what you want. This clarity serves as a guiding star, illuminating the path forward and helping you navigate the complexities of change with confidence. By reflecting on your desires, you can understand the motivations that drive you, allowing you to set focused goals that align with your values. This process empowers you to create a strategic plan for your journey and equips you with resilience to face challenges. Embracing this clarity ensures that each decision aligns with your vision, fostering fulfillment as you progress towards your objectives and enabling adaptability when unexpected opportunities or obstacles arise.

To achieve your goals effectively, it is essential to establish clear and thoughtful BOUNDARIES that guide your daily decisions and interactions. Start by setting a consistent bedtime of 10 o’clock, which will not only help you get adequate rest but also improve your overall focus and productivity during the day. Additionally, consider reducing the frequency of dining out, as this can not only save you money but also enable you to make healthier food choices that align with your objectives. Furthermore, take the opportunity to evaluate your friendships based on how they positively or negatively impact your self-esteem and mental well-being. Surrounding yourself with supportive and uplifting individuals will reinforce your commitment to your goals and empower you to stay on track towards achieving them.

Sounds easy, right?   Oh yeah and then there is the process of getting it into practice, making it a new habit, creating new neuropathways in the brain.  It’s a try it out, reconfigure, try it again type process, until you find the groove that works best for you and sticks so it becomes a rinse and repeat process.

That’s why I recommend a coach, someone to help you navigate

Stress During a Pandemic

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This topic is interesting to me in so many ways. Not only in what we will 5 years from now, but mostly because it is new, and it is ever changing. We started with limited information and base decisions on what we are given. Then new, different information is received and we need to absorb it, process it and makes sense of it so that we can pivot and change so that we are incorporating that new information into the equation.

As a person that practices in a health care setting, I still consider myself lucky. I do the work I do because I love it and I enjoy working with people that are looking for solutions to their pain. Has my family experienced loss of loved ones from Covid-19. Yes, we have. By no means am I trying to make light of these losses, they are tough! It has gotten to a point that there are more people that have some instance where they know of someone that has had Covid or have been exposed in some way.

The question then comes, what do you do in response to knowing all this information? Do you become paranoid, fearful. What happens when you feel that you have been using all the safe practices possible but you still receive a test saying Covid is detected? Victim mode can kick in, resentment, you start to hyper focus on all of your most recent exchanges with people, you can point a finger, you can blame, you can get angry, but ultimately what does it change? Not a darn thing. You have facts, you make decisions based on those facts, in the case of CDC and Public Health any persons in contact with you get notified anonymously so they can make educated decisions to keep from spreading the virus.

There is a reason that people are notified anonymously, I understand this, not only to safe guard the individual but also to ensure that others possibly affected take the necessary precautions. However there is still a stigma associated with it. It is easy to feel guilty and beat yourself up. You don’t want people to know because of fear of what others might think and how they might judge you.

Living in a pandemic is interesting. I honestly believe there is no person that would want to infect anyone else with something that could possible have a tremendous impact on someone’s well being. I do believe in being honest and having conversations with individuals to let them know what is going on. It is hard to not react with fear. I believe that when you step up and share this type of information with others it is a sign of good character, you are being honest and vulnerable during a tough situation, but showing respect for others.

However this can backfire on you, you can have the best of intents and if the other person is not in a space to receive this information but coming from a victim or fear mode, then you might question all you good intentions.

Bottom line we are in a pandemic, not everyone show symptoms, there is no exact method to determine how you came to get the virus. Yes we can use current information to try to narrow down when we were exposed, but still there is no serial number to identify it. We can judge people and say that they must not have had safe practices but what do we actually know. We don’t. The only thing we can do is do our very best. Wear a mask, wash your hands, be mindful when and if you are around other people.

We are in a pandemic that is constantly changing. Being fearful is not helpful, instead I’m reminded that we have yet to totally understand all the information we need to know about this virus. The idea of immunizing the heard seems to be the most plausible at this point to limit the loss of life. I’m just hopeful that once people become immunized they do not become slack in their practice of wearing a mask.

We can not see the virus, some people get severe symptoms while others get mild to no symptoms. Because of this I’m reminded of when I was training to be an Emergency Medical Technician (many years ago. You treat every person as if they have a blood borne pathogen or in this case as if they have the virus. You wear the proper Personal Protective Equipment to keep you and the other person safe.

I pray for all those and their loved ones that have had to deal with this type of scenario, it is not easy, it can be scary, but we as people can still show kindness, love and support for others. By pulling back and get stressed and not communicating with people we are not helping, we are limiting ourselves and limiting our good on this world.