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Still scrambling to keep up with the whole “New Year, New You” thing?

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How many blogs, articles, or workshops have you tried that promised you would become the best version of yourself with their easy 5-step program? You probably felt excited and hopeful at first, but then life got in the way. After missing a week or two, you began to doubt yourself and felt deflated, ending up right where you started.

It’s important to know that feeling overwhelmed is normal, and you’re not alone. The people offering these courses often don’t share how many times they failed before succeeding. What you see can make it seem easy, leading you to wonder why you can’t do it too.

As a Health Coach, I help others reach their goals, but I also make mistakes. I know when to take on new challenges and when to stick to my strengths. Missing my own goals helps me relate to others. I prefer to learn from someone who’s been through it and is open about their experiences.

I know that the only way to achieve something different is to change what I’m currently doing. Yes, I understand this isn’t neuroscience, but it is hard. Our brains are wired to make day-to-day routines easy and abbreviated. Doing something different initially takes more time, thought, and grit at times to adhere to it.

The first step is to IDENTIFY what you want. This clarity serves as a guiding star, illuminating the path forward and helping you navigate the complexities of change with confidence. By reflecting on your desires, you can understand the motivations that drive you, allowing you to set focused goals that align with your values. This process empowers you to create a strategic plan for your journey and equips you with resilience to face challenges. Embracing this clarity ensures that each decision aligns with your vision, fostering fulfillment as you progress towards your objectives and enabling adaptability when unexpected opportunities or obstacles arise.

To achieve your goals effectively, it is essential to establish clear and thoughtful BOUNDARIES that guide your daily decisions and interactions. Start by setting a consistent bedtime of 10 o’clock, which will not only help you get adequate rest but also improve your overall focus and productivity during the day. Additionally, consider reducing the frequency of dining out, as this can not only save you money but also enable you to make healthier food choices that align with your objectives. Furthermore, take the opportunity to evaluate your friendships based on how they positively or negatively impact your self-esteem and mental well-being. Surrounding yourself with supportive and uplifting individuals will reinforce your commitment to your goals and empower you to stay on track towards achieving them.

Sounds easy, right?   Oh yeah and then there is the process of getting it into practice, making it a new habit, creating new neuropathways in the brain.  It’s a try it out, reconfigure, try it again type process, until you find the groove that works best for you and sticks so it becomes a rinse and repeat process.

That’s why I recommend a coach, someone to help you navigate

Stress During a Pandemic

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This topic is interesting to me in so many ways. Not only in what we will 5 years from now, but mostly because it is new, and it is ever changing. We started with limited information and base decisions on what we are given. Then new, different information is received and we need to absorb it, process it and makes sense of it so that we can pivot and change so that we are incorporating that new information into the equation.

As a person that practices in a health care setting, I still consider myself lucky. I do the work I do because I love it and I enjoy working with people that are looking for solutions to their pain. Has my family experienced loss of loved ones from Covid-19. Yes, we have. By no means am I trying to make light of these losses, they are tough! It has gotten to a point that there are more people that have some instance where they know of someone that has had Covid or have been exposed in some way.

The question then comes, what do you do in response to knowing all this information? Do you become paranoid, fearful. What happens when you feel that you have been using all the safe practices possible but you still receive a test saying Covid is detected? Victim mode can kick in, resentment, you start to hyper focus on all of your most recent exchanges with people, you can point a finger, you can blame, you can get angry, but ultimately what does it change? Not a darn thing. You have facts, you make decisions based on those facts, in the case of CDC and Public Health any persons in contact with you get notified anonymously so they can make educated decisions to keep from spreading the virus.

There is a reason that people are notified anonymously, I understand this, not only to safe guard the individual but also to ensure that others possibly affected take the necessary precautions. However there is still a stigma associated with it. It is easy to feel guilty and beat yourself up. You don’t want people to know because of fear of what others might think and how they might judge you.

Living in a pandemic is interesting. I honestly believe there is no person that would want to infect anyone else with something that could possible have a tremendous impact on someone’s well being. I do believe in being honest and having conversations with individuals to let them know what is going on. It is hard to not react with fear. I believe that when you step up and share this type of information with others it is a sign of good character, you are being honest and vulnerable during a tough situation, but showing respect for others.

However this can backfire on you, you can have the best of intents and if the other person is not in a space to receive this information but coming from a victim or fear mode, then you might question all you good intentions.

Bottom line we are in a pandemic, not everyone show symptoms, there is no exact method to determine how you came to get the virus. Yes we can use current information to try to narrow down when we were exposed, but still there is no serial number to identify it. We can judge people and say that they must not have had safe practices but what do we actually know. We don’t. The only thing we can do is do our very best. Wear a mask, wash your hands, be mindful when and if you are around other people.

We are in a pandemic that is constantly changing. Being fearful is not helpful, instead I’m reminded that we have yet to totally understand all the information we need to know about this virus. The idea of immunizing the heard seems to be the most plausible at this point to limit the loss of life. I’m just hopeful that once people become immunized they do not become slack in their practice of wearing a mask.

We can not see the virus, some people get severe symptoms while others get mild to no symptoms. Because of this I’m reminded of when I was training to be an Emergency Medical Technician (many years ago. You treat every person as if they have a blood borne pathogen or in this case as if they have the virus. You wear the proper Personal Protective Equipment to keep you and the other person safe.

I pray for all those and their loved ones that have had to deal with this type of scenario, it is not easy, it can be scary, but we as people can still show kindness, love and support for others. By pulling back and get stressed and not communicating with people we are not helping, we are limiting ourselves and limiting our good on this world.

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Sharing the Truths that Helped Me Heal

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Why do I share my truths?

Because, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I finally get it.
Life is hard.
We all have life lessons, whether they are big or small, that change us. They make us rethink what we believe, how we show up, and what we might do differently the next time.
I’ve had my share of unhealthy relationships, relationships with little communication, lots of control, and old beliefs I was following without even realizing it. Eventually, I reached a point where I no longer knew who I was.
They say people sometimes stay in unhealthy relationships because the familiar feels safer than the unknown. Even when the familiar hurts, at least you know what to expect.
I get it.
And I’m grateful that I’ve experienced healthy relationships since then. But healthy doesn’t mean perfect, and it doesn’t always mean forever.
One of the hardest and most humbling things I’ve ever done was end my first marriage after 8½ years together. When I left that relationship, I also lost a stepson I loved. In many ways, I felt like I had lost myself, too.
I had become an over-glorified housekeeper, cook, errand runner, and laundry maid. I felt overwhelmed, frustrated, and deeply underappreciated.
When I finally left, I shut down.
I felt like a quitter. And honestly, it completely sucked.
I didn’t believe in divorce, but I also couldn’t unhear or undo the things that had torn the relationship apart. I couldn’t go back to pretending I didn’t know what I knew.
Several months later, life became quieter.
I spent time with a dear friend who was battling cancer. I rescued a puppy. Little by little, I started living again.
And somewhere along the way, I let go of the belief that I had to have everything together all the time. I didn’t have to put on a brave face or pretend I was okay.
I could simply be human.
I felt broken, with all my cracks showing. It was terrifying.
And it was freeing.
So why do I share this?
Because I know there is someone out there experiencing something similar.
Someone who has been made to feel small or powerless. Someone who has reached their limit but is terrified of what comes next.
If that’s you, please know this:
You don’t have to have the whole path figured out before you take the next step.
Surround yourself with people who are kind, loving, and able to see you for who you really are. Create boundaries that protect you from returning to the same patterns. Give yourself permission to learn from what happened instead of allowing it to define you.
And, perhaps most importantly, learn to love yourself enough to stop abandoning yourself just to keep someone else comfortable.
Sometimes healing doesn’t look like having it all together.
Sometimes it looks like finally letting yourself be seen, cracks and all.