Learning to Release Control, Honor Boundaries, and Dance with Life

Pivot, kick, ball change!

This phrase has been running through my head for the past couple of days.

No, I’m not taking dance lessons, although with the fancy footwork life requires lately, perhaps I should!

I’m talking about the dance of life.

The one that doesn’t always follow the music, doesn’t give you a rehearsal, and certainly doesn’t ask if you’re ready for the next move.

It requires patience, flexibility, quick thinking, and sometimes a whole lot of grace.

Let me share a little story from Wednesday morning.

Wednesday is exercise day for Mom. We typically leave the house at 9 a.m.

Simple enough, right?

Well, Mom was having a wonderfully leisurely morning.

She enjoyed her coffee, lounged a little longer than usual, and ate her breakfast very mindfully, chewing each bite with intention.

Meanwhile, I was mentally watching the clock.

I asked what she planned to wear to exercise, which led to the question of whether she needed to shower.

We discussed it, and she decided she’d shower afterward.

Perfect! We were on track.

Or so I thought.

Ten minutes later, Mom was in the shower!

Now, here’s where the dance begins.

I could have interrupted her. Reminded her we were running late. Tried to hurry her along.

But here’s the thing. Mom was independently following a healthy habit and familiar memory pattern.

Why would I interrupt something so valuable just to stay on schedule?

So, I pivoted.

The pup and I enjoyed a little extra cuddle time on the couch.

Around 9:05, Mom emerged, showered, dressed, and ready to go.

Well, almost.

Water bottle needed refilling.

Oops, bathroom break!

And finally, we were off!

Only to arrive at the senior center and discover it was CLOSED.

Seriously?

Pivot. Kick. Ball. Change.

We could have been frustrated. I could have focused on the time we’d lost or everything else waiting for me at home.

Instead, we went for a beautiful walk together.

We admired the changing colors of the leaves, listened to the birds, and enjoyed the fresh fall air.

No rushing. No agenda.

Just Mom and me, enjoying an unexpected gift of time.

And you know what?

It was lovely.

So What’s the Lesson Here?

There was a time when this morning would have stressed me out.

I would have been watching the clock, trying to keep everyone on schedule, thinking about the next thing I needed to accomplish.

Sound familiar?

But I’ve learned something through caregiving, coaching, faith, and simply living life.

Sometimes the greatest source of stress isn’t what’s happening around us. It’s our need to control how everything unfolds.

Think about that for a moment.

How often do we become frustrated because things aren’t happening the way we expected?

How often do we believe that if we don’t do something ourselves, it won’t be done correctly?

Or that if things don’t go according to plan, somehow we’ve failed?

I know I’ve been there.

For me, the need for control has often been connected to the fear of failure and the belief that I’m the one who needs to make sure everything gets done right.

But here’s what I’ve come to understand.

Different doesn’t necessarily mean wrong. And changing the plan doesn’t mean I’ve failed.

Learning to Surrender

This has been a journey for me.

A journey of understanding that I am enough.

That I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God. (Psalm 139:14)

That my worth isn’t determined by how much I accomplish, how perfectly I manage my day, or how many people I keep happy.

And perhaps one of the greatest lessons?

I don’t have to control everything to be responsible, loving, or capable.

Surrender doesn’t mean giving up.

It means recognizing what is mine to carry and what isn’t.

It means doing my part, trusting God, and releasing the belief that I must manage every outcome.

And that brings me to something I teach and continue to practice myself.

Boundaries.

What Does Surrender Have to Do With Boundaries?

More than you might think!

When we believe we’re responsible for everything, we tend to say yes to everything.

We take on more than we should.

We try to keep everyone happy.

We rearrange our schedules, sacrifice our own needs, and sometimes push ourselves right to the point of depletion.

And why?

Sometimes it’s because we’re afraid of disappointing someone.

Sometimes it’s because we believe we’re the only ones who can do it right.

And sometimes it’s because saying no to someone we love feels incredibly uncomfortable.

I’ll be the first to admit, I still struggle with this, especially with loved ones.

But I’ve learned that my responsibility isn’t to make everyone understand or agree with my boundaries.

My responsibility is to communicate them with love, stand firm, and live by example.

Saying no doesn’t mean I love someone less.

It isn’t a personal attack.

It’s simply an honest answer about what I’m willing and able to do without sacrificing myself to exhaustion.

I can love you and still say no.

I can be compassionate and still have limits.

I can be flexible without abandoning myself.

And I can allow someone else to be disappointed without making it my responsibility to fix their feelings.

That’s not always easy.

But it’s a practice worth continuing.

Building Grace and Space Into Our Days

These days, I don’t schedule my life quite so tightly.

I intentionally build in a little more grace and space.

Grace for myself and others when things don’t go as expected.

Space in my schedule for the unexpected.

And boundaries that protect my energy so I actually have the capacity to be flexible.

I’ve discovered that flexibility is much easier when I’m not already running on empty.

And here’s something else I’ve learned.

Not every interruption requires a solution.

Not every change is a problem.

And not every expectation deserves to be met.

Sometimes the best thing we can do is pause, take a breath, and ask ourselves:

What really matters in this moment?

On Wednesday, what mattered wasn’t getting Mom to exercise at precisely the right time.

It was encouraging her independence, honoring her familiar routines, and enjoying time together.

And when our original plan fell apart, we found something equally meaningful.

A walk.

A conversation.

A moment to simply be.

Come Coach With Me

I’d love for you to reflect on a few questions.

– Where in your life are you holding on too tightly to control?
– Are you afraid that if you don’t do something yourself, it won’t be done correctly?
– Do you associate changing plans with failure?
– When was the last time you said yes when you really wanted or needed to say no?
– What might change if you truly believed you were enough, even when you disappointed someone?
– Where could you create a little more grace and space in your day?

And here’s one question I’d especially encourage you to sit with:

Are you making choices from love and intention, or from fear, obligation, and the need to control?

There’s no judgment here.

I’m still learning, still practicing, and yes, still occasionally stepping on my own toes!

But I’m learning that life doesn’t require me to dance every step perfectly.

It requires me to be present, recognize when the rhythm changes, and have the courage to adjust my steps.

And sometimes that means saying yes.

Sometimes it means saying no.

And sometimes it means taking an unexpected walk with Mom and enjoying the beautiful fall leaves.

Pivot. Kick. Ball. Change.

Because surrender isn’t losing control of your life. It’s learning that you don’t have to control every moment to live it well.

—

A final thought: You are enough. You can love deeply, set healthy boundaries, and trust God with what you cannot control.

And if you’re finding yourself exhausted from trying to do it all, keep everyone happy, or manage every unexpected turn, I’d love to work with you.

Together, we can explore ways to create healthier boundaries, reconnect with what matters, and find more grace and space in your everyday life.

Coaching inquiries: coachvickie24@gmail.com